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  • Writer's pictureGina Saler

Are you loving from a needy place?

There is love that flows from a contented joyous overflowing heart that is stable in itself. Maybe that is the love you have for your partner (lucky you!) or your siblings or parents or children or even your pet.

Then there is the love that is projected out from an unstable needy place. Like when a woman “loves” a man too early or “pushes” her love out onto him because she wants to be in the fairyland of being loved back, cherished, held and her life “made right”.

Can you relate? I speak from personal experience having been in both places. The first place is easy (though not without its challenges) but the second place is downright problematic, especially if I am coming from this place in relation to a mate.

In this scenario it won’t end well or be satisfying as this is a recipe for disaster. A recipe for choosing the wrong man which happens because I go outside of myself in my effort to feel love. Now I am in a dangerous terrain and my emotional compass is out of sync.

Projecting out of myself I can’t be in my feelings, instead I mis-take the projected feelings of love as being in a loving bubble. I see, sense and notice many things which should be red flags, but over-ride them because I am now in a chemically induced state of “attraction” and this is inherently dangerous. But I can’t stop that easily (even though I am an otherwise capable and intelligent woman) because all that excitement is fuelling the “love bubble” I think I am in.

Now I am lost and in trouble. My “feelings” compass which should guide me to safety and back home has been affected so it is hard to get a proper reading. Where is the north now?

The only way to find it is to go within. Back to my feelings and where I can trust them and stay connected to them when loving on the outside. This is only possible when I learn to give myself the love and care I need, when I learn to listen to my own feelings and act on these doing what my body/ mind/ psyche needs to feel safe.

I have to be my own protector and provider. When I can take care of my own needs including financial, safety, personal, emotional, mental, creative, social and sexual – then I am whole and complete from the inside out.

Now I am coming from a place of wholeness and self-healedness. Now as I love myself and my life – if I meet another – I can love from an outflowing place – if it’s right for me, and not from a forced projection of a movie scene where I am hoping to get my internal needs met from another.

Like attracts like. Love inside attracts love outside and useful love on the inside knows when it is not useful “love” on the outside.

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